No scar?

This 1961 film, narrated by Elisabeth Elliot, tells the story of five missionaries killed in Ecuador in 1956. It includes excerpts filmed at the time and this knowledge more than makes up for the poor picture quality. There are  more recent films on the subject so, if you want better quality, albeit dramatisations - just search Youtube. 

Back then budget film-shows were typically distributed on 16mm acetate stock and, at around 12 years old, I was intrigued as much by the projector setup as by the film itself or its plot. But in this case it was very much the plot which made an impact on me. So much so that I cannot now listen to Sibelius' Finlandia or sing the hymn the missionaries sung before embarking on their last trip without it bringing back poignant memories and tear-jerking emotions.

We rest on Thee, our Shield and our Defender!

We go not forth alone against the foe;

Strong in Thy strength, safe in Thy keeping tender,

We rest on Thee, and in Thy Name we go.

Yes, in Thy Name, O Captain of salvation!

In Thy dear Name, all other names above;

Jesus our Righteousness, our sure Foundation,

Our Prince of glory and our King of love.

We go in faith, our own great weakness feeling,

And needing more each day Thy grace to know:

Yet from our hearts a song of triumph pealing,

“We rest on Thee, and in Thy Name we go.”

We rest on Thee, our Shield and our Defender!

Thine is the battle, Thine shall be the praise;

When passing through the gates of pearly splendour,

Victors, we rest with Thee, through endless days.

You or I may not agree with all that they believed - it matters not - let no one dare question their commitment or make light of the ultimate sacrifice they made for the sake of those tribal people. Like that woman in the Bible, wherever this gospel is proclaimed in the whole world, their actions will be told in memory of them. In Jim's own words He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep in order to gain what he cannot loose.

Both Jim and Elisabeth often quoted the poem by Amy Carmichael. Here is Elisabeth's testimony at the 1996 Urbana, Illinois Christian conference:

Hast thou no scar?

No hidden scar on foot, or side, or hand?

I hear thee sung as mighty in the land;

I hear them hail thy bright, ascendant star.

Hast thou no scar?

Hast thou no wound?

Yet I was wounded by the archers; spent,

Leaned Me against a tree to die; and rent

By ravening beasts that compassed Me, I swooned.

Hast thou no wound?

No wound? No scar?

Yet, as the Master shall the servant be,

And piercèd are the feet that follow Me.

But thine are whole; can he have followed far

Who hast no wound or scar?

Do I bear wounds or scars? None physical: I have avoided them so far, but plenty inside: misgivings, disillusionments, hurt by and loosing trust in friends, prayers long unanswered. I am of course not alone in this. It seems that the older one grows the more unsatisfactory and unresolved "baggage" one accumulates. Like a Windows PC that, through use, gets more and more bogged down to the point where sometimes the best solution is to buy a newer model.

Chapter titles are as much a part of a book as the body text. The last chapter of The Silver Chair is titled "The Healing of Harms". How I long for this. For all the missed opportunities, for all my unkind words, for all the time I have wasted on unimportant things, for the sickness and poverty that I see so rife in the world to be resolved. That it might be true that God will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away. - he who was seated on the throne said, "Behold, I am making all things new."

Aslan

drawn by my granddaughter during a meeting

"Here on the mountain, the air is clear and your mind is clear; as you drop down into Narnia, the air will thicken. Take great care that it does not confuse your mind. And the signs which you have learned here will not look at all as you expect them to look, when you meet them there. That is why it is so important to know them by heart and pay no attention to appearances"

...

"Oh, if only we knew!" said Jill.

"I think we do know," said Puddleglum.

"Do you mean you think everything will come right if we do untie him?" said Scrubb.

"I don't know about that," said Puddleglum. "You see, Aslan didn't tell Pole what would happen. He only told her what to do. That fellow will be the death of us once he's up, I shouldn't wonder. But that doesn't let us off following the sign."

The Silver Chair, C. S. Lewis

Unresolved

I'm a practical guy. I like things to get resolved. I find something broke - I like to fix it and tick it off the list. No matter the size, I like to complete a project and be done with it. So what happens when circumstances in my life do not resolve. Like relationships that sour. Or health that deteriorates? Or expectations that are not fulfilled? Or a faith in God that still lingers in the "help Thou my unbelief"? Or, simply, a life that is getting older with more aches and pains and increasing numbers of issues to deal with.

Sometimes I wonder if I am experiencing the male equivalent of "the change of life" - sometimes feeling almost overpowering floods of what I suppose is emotion (not being a particularly emotional guy) and that for no particular reason apart from a general feeling of not being in control and a lack of resolution.  Like bobbing along powerless in a vast expanse of sea with no land in sight.

I could go into preaching mode quoting Hebrews 11 "These all died in faith, not having received the promises, but having seen them afar off...  And these all, having obtained a good report through faith, received not the promise: God having provided some better thing for us, that they without us should not be made perfect." These (patriarchs) experienced unrequited faith, so shouldn't I be able to? And Jesus' words "And shall not God avenge His own elect, which cry day and night unto him, though He bear long with them? I tell you that He will avenge them speedily. Nevertheless when the Son of man comes, shall He find faith on the earth?" Shall he indeed? It is this expectation on the part of God (or, if God is a myth, on the part of those people who fabricated all these cunningly devised fables) that we should hang on, keep believing, when there is nothing of substance given in return whereby we can be sure that our trust is well founded. Although, for those who are stubborn enough, "neither will they be persuaded, though one rose from the dead" whereas the centurion's faith was enough to heal his beloved servant, from which I conclude that evidence one person regards as substantial another may find ephemeral.

It seems like we should not expect every matter to be resolved, at least not in this life. In "The Healing of Harms" - not the Christian pop album but the last chapter in The Silver Chair - Lewis expresses the sentiment that everything will turn out right in the end. Or mother Julian's "All shall be well, and all shall be well and all manner of thing shall be well." Or Disney's "and they all lived happily ever after". All very well from a God perspective or when I am able to look back, but not easy to believe before it happens!

That last quote was a bit below-the-belt and probably cannot be attributed to Disney either. But it sums up my molly grubby feelings. But hang on a mo... compared with possibly the vast majority of mortals on this planet Earth I am so very blessed. I have good health for my age, I have a loving wife, four wonderful children who actually care for me, a home to live in, work which I enjoy on the whole and for which I actually get paid (mostly), and friends. So why the molly grubs? Am I alone in feeling as I do?

Because...

I want to break through,
I want to break through;
To know as I'm known, to know You alone,
I want to break through.
To where no sin may stand in the way,
Let me enter in with boldness, I pray,
Show me Thy glory, show me Thy way,
I want to break through.

©1984 Dan Ricciardelli