Thou shalt not tempt update 4

I did not hear any results of the blood tests so I suppose they did not indicate complete healing as we had hoped. I have now subscribed to the family's email feed so no longer have to rely on a friend giving me updates. Their latest update starts "T's chemotherapy medicines started dripping into his central line at Noon on Tuesday. And I'm not sure what more to write." I am hurting inside when I read this. I had thought that the "burden" I had felt to pray for complete healing, so as to avoid him having to go through chemo, was from God and therefore that it would happen. Not for any good in me but because God keeps his word. Of course it is possible to rationalise - perhaps it was my own silly emotions and no burden from God. Perhaps there is no God and the whole thing is an illusion. I've already made the point whether he is healed or not is not my business - it is God who will do it or not do it. But I still feel like I have failed in some way. Of course I suppose there have been many others praying for healing - I wonder how they feel? Most of all I wonder how the boy himself feels, who had said "it gives God more time to do the big miracle of healing!". And it must be so trying for his siblings and parents.

And this is not the only time I have been pretty convinced that God was telling me to pray in a particular way but not yet seeing what I regarded as a full answer. Maybe I have to wait longer. Those guys in in the roll-call of faith, having obtained a good report through faith, received not the promise in their lifetime. Tough! And not only that but I have contracted a cold which itself makes a chap feel in the mulligrubs; not only that but my business has (hopefully temporarily) ground to a halt, and I have to wear glasses and now it looks like I might have to wear a hearing aid. And because I am supposed to be one of the leaders in the church here but I feel like that is largely a joke. And, I could go on... I predict that any people who live here reading this will say the equivalent of "Everybody needs a Michael" which roughly translated means Michael will mend the broken this or that, and doubtless Michael will for I like mending things, but is that my sole purpose in life? Maybe it is.

Of course I know the words: Hear my cry, O God; attend unto my prayer. From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I.  For you have been a shelter for me and a strong tower from the enemy.  I will abide in thy tabernacle for ever: I will trust in the covert of thy wings. And have taken, and will continue to take some comfort in them. But still...

And these words: And shall not God avenge his own elect, which cry day and night unto him, though he bear long with them?  I tell you that he will avenge them speedily. Nevertheless when the Son of man comes, shall he find faith on the earth? The Greek word translated "speedily" means just that, however God's idea of speed does not generally tally with my own and the final "shall he find faith?" suggests that many will not go on believing in the face of apparent denial, rather as seems to be happening to me. At least I can take comfort in dear old Thomas who admitted "Except I see in his hands the print of the nails, and put my finger into the print of the nails, and thrust my hand into his side, I will not believe."

Nevertheless I will (try to) doggedly continue to ask God to heal this boy, plain contrary to what I am told is happening to him, and in the meantime may God give strength and perseverance to him and his family throughout whatever ordeal he has to go through.