Is speaking in tongues a thing?

There is not much doubt about it being a "thing": more to the point what kind of a thing is it? The Bible accounts may be referring to a genuine experience but my own contribution, which I took to be from God, I now consider to be fake. Please - I am talking about my own experience. If you claim to speak in tongues and are edified by so doing, so be it.

In the précis of my spiritual life posted elsewhere I alluded to this spiritual gift of speaking in tongues, hereafter "Tongues". In our church, as is common in Pentecostal and charismatic circles, Tongues is considered a confirmation or indication that one has received the baptism in the Holy Spirit, or "The Baptism". Many years ago, wanting to "go on" with God, and encouraged to do so by the Christians I respected and looked up to, I earnestly sought The Baptism. I was counselled to ask God for this it and then accept its receipt in faith on the basis of Matthew 7:11. And similarly with Tongues, only here some tangible action was required, so I started (as I had been taught) by voicing nonsense syllables. With practice I became better at doing this. But both then and now it was totally under my control and thus did not seem to be supernatural as one might expect a gift of the Holy Spirit would be. All this I now know is familiar ground to many, for example per the links I give below.

But not to all. I knew someone who had had much more "miraculous" experience of receiving The Baptism in which they suddenly and spontaneously erupted into Tongues accompanied by feelings of ecstasy. I cannot comment further on such experiences other than it did not happen to me in this way. Perhaps, you will say, was I not earnest enough, or did I not have sufficient faith? Such criticisms are common but not helpful.

From then until recently I spoke in Tongues when it seemed appropriate and I naively assumed I was on course, although I did have recurring doubts. True, in private prayer, Tongues could be handy if one just did not know how else to pray, perhaps because of the feeling it gave of having accomplished something.

What has made me particularly sceptical was when a preacher invited anyone in the congregation who wanted to receive The Baptism to come forward. Older believers would then be asked to gather around and lay hands on the candidate - let's call him John. The preacher would then claim The Baptism for John whilst the others gabbled away in Tongues. At this point John was himself expected to erupt into Tongues. More often than not he would not, so then the preacher would tell him to open his mouth and make noises: almost anything would do initially. Meanwhile he would press more heavily on and shake John's forehead amid even more fervent prayers from the others. The process became very stressful and would go on for what seemed ages until John either gave in and made up suitable noises or the preacher would cop out, explaining that not everyone spoke in Tongues immediately, telling John that he should spend time privately on his knees... The palaver was intensely emotional and very pressurised and I hated it. Surely if Tongues was a gift of God it ought to be more given more graciously: spontaneously and obviously.

This procedure is doubtless based on Acts 19:6, except that in that case there is no suggestion that the men were pressurised by Paul. 

There's a lot on the internet on the subject: much of it from advocates proselytising and non-believers or cessationists debunking. Finding a fair treatment is more of a challenge. Here are a few more level-headed articles that align in some way with my own thinking:

An atheist speaking in tongues

Paper on spontaneous and context-dependent Tongues

History and origin?

Mentioning effect of peer pressure

Is Tongues nowadays fake?

But the bottom line (for me) is my own experience. Since I choose each syllable that I utter I conclude it is not Holy Spirit inspired and thus it is fake. Perhaps real Tongues is a thing but I regret that it is outside my own experience. And this in turn makes me doubt whether I ever received The Baptism. Which reduces me to being just an "ordinary, first-feast Christian" and I suppose with this I must remain content: but so saying another nail has pierced the coffin of my disillusionment. 

PS. However... on re-reading this I figure I have not explained myself very well and I can predict all manner of counter arguments and comments, like "where is your faith, brother?" But I've said elsewhere that faith is not a ethereal concept - faith without works is dead.