I've just finished reading Black Swan Green, a semi-autobiographical book written as if by 13 year old Jason Taylor. Books I enjoy are ones that make me laugh or cry - this one did both. Jason has a stammer and is treated unmercifully by many of the other kids in the comprehensive school he attends. He also has to deal with his parents splitting up. My heart goes out to him - I want to get alongside him, encourage him, befriend him, assure him he is worth more than gold. Because, like the author, I've been there. OK my school days were not as bad as his (but then I didn't stammer) but, like Jason, I was low down in the pecking order even if not a "leper". All because I was different. I had different interests; my parents had no TV and did not approve of "pop music"; I have never been a social animal; I have no interest in following or playing and am somewhat clueless about organised sport. And to cap it all my family were evangelical Christians. As a result there were certain boys I avoided like the plague. True, I got physically bullied a few times, but the most of the aggro was spoken or exclusion. How untrue the saying "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me".
Things improved somewhat at college - undergraduates are almost expected to be slightly odd. But the ostracisation and resulting imprisonment for being different still haunts me. In one sense I am not bothered - I am happy enough in my own company - let my enemies go to hell! But "it is not an enemy who taunts me - then I could bear it; it is not an adversary who deals insolently with me - then I could hide from him. But it is you, a man, my equal, my companion, my familiar friend. We used to take sweet counsel together..."
Jason comes to terms with his identity, comes to have the courage of his convictions. But first he has to form those convictions and that's where I get stuck. How can I be convicted whilst I am so unsure? How can they meet us face to face till we have faces? Some folk, some of them my peers, appear to have such strong convictions and I marvel (but I have also seen strong people fall). Lord (maggot that I am says) - I believe - help thou my unbelief!
It ought to be easier. Jesus declared "I thank you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, that you have hidden these things from the wise and understanding and revealed them to little children..." and then invites "Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." Really? I suspect it is us that turn this around and make it so hard. In my sort of upbringing one is made to feel second class if one does not read one's bible, pray and proselytise enough. Jesus sometimes spent whole nights up mountains in prayer - I rather suspect he did so because he wanted to and not because he felt it was his duty. So well might Jesus later denounce the scribes and Pharisees who "tie up heavy burdens, hard to bear, and lay them on people's shoulders".
It ought to be easier. Jesus declared "I thank you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, that you have hidden these things from the wise and understanding and revealed them to little children..." and then invites "Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." Really? I suspect it is us that turn this around and make it so hard. In my sort of upbringing one is made to feel second class if one does not read one's bible, pray and proselytise enough. Jesus sometimes spent whole nights up mountains in prayer - I rather suspect he did so because he wanted to and not because he felt it was his duty. So well might Jesus later denounce the scribes and Pharisees who "tie up heavy burdens, hard to bear, and lay them on people's shoulders".
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