Unresolved

I'm a practical guy. I like things to get resolved. I find something broke - I like to fix it and tick it off the list. No matter the size, I like to complete a project and be done with it. So what happens when circumstances in my life do not resolve. Like relationships that sour. Or health that deteriorates? Or expectations that are not fulfilled? Or a faith in God that still lingers in the "help Thou my unbelief"? Or, simply, a life that is getting older with more aches and pains and increasing numbers of issues to deal with.

Sometimes I wonder if I am experiencing the male equivalent of "the change of life" - sometimes feeling almost overpowering floods of what I suppose is emotion (not being a particularly emotional guy) and that for no particular reason apart from a general feeling of not being in control and a lack of resolution.  Like bobbing along powerless in a vast expanse of sea with no land in sight.

I could go into preaching mode quoting Hebrews 11 "These all died in faith, not having received the promises, but having seen them afar off...  And these all, having obtained a good report through faith, received not the promise: God having provided some better thing for us, that they without us should not be made perfect." These (patriarchs) experienced unrequited faith, so shouldn't I be able to? And Jesus' words "And shall not God avenge His own elect, which cry day and night unto him, though He bear long with them? I tell you that He will avenge them speedily. Nevertheless when the Son of man comes, shall He find faith on the earth?" Shall he indeed? It is this expectation on the part of God (or, if God is a myth, on the part of those people who fabricated all these cunningly devised fables) that we should hang on, keep believing, when there is nothing of substance given in return whereby we can be sure that our trust is well founded. Although, for those who are stubborn enough, "neither will they be persuaded, though one rose from the dead" whereas the centurion's faith was enough to heal his beloved servant, from which I conclude that evidence one person regards as substantial another may find ephemeral.

It seems like we should not expect every matter to be resolved, at least not in this life. In "The Healing of Harms" - not the Christian pop album but the last chapter in The Silver Chair - Lewis expresses the sentiment that everything will turn out right in the end. Or mother Julian's "All shall be well, and all shall be well and all manner of thing shall be well." Or Disney's "and they all lived happily ever after". All very well from a God perspective or when I am able to look back, but not easy to believe before it happens!

That last quote was a bit below-the-belt and probably cannot be attributed to Disney either. But it sums up my molly grubby feelings. But hang on a mo... compared with possibly the vast majority of mortals on this planet Earth I am so very blessed. I have good health for my age, I have a loving wife, four wonderful children who actually care for me, a home to live in, work which I enjoy on the whole and for which I actually get paid (mostly), and friends. So why the molly grubs? Am I alone in feeling as I do?

Because...

I want to break through,
I want to break through;
To know as I'm known, to know You alone,
I want to break through.
To where no sin may stand in the way,
Let me enter in with boldness, I pray,
Show me Thy glory, show me Thy way,
I want to break through.

©1984 Dan Ricciardelli